suboxone

took half a sub today, this morning, upon waking up. felt like shit; thats actually a gross overstatement - my nose was running and i felt anxious and restless. this is standard. normal withdrawal symptoms 18 hours or so post-fix. theres a weird kindof comfort that comes with initial withdrawal. things seem brighter. the anxiety more than anything else is what keeps me fixed to the junk.

the best method Ive found for a quick kick is to take a sub on day one, fix then or a little bit later, and then cross my fingers to continue taking subs without the smack for the next two days. Ive literally fixed, taken a sub, then shot up - all within a 5-10 minute period; Ive never read anywhere about this being safe and read/heard from multiple sources that it isn't ... but that hasn't been my experience, its never whipped me into withdrawal but i always swallow it. i dont let it dissolve. this seems to make the naloxone irrelevant and conveniently avoids the taste of the pill. Ive been doing this for the last five years when i feel like i need to cut down or take a break or just want to save some money.

i need to drive north to see my parents and friends this weekend and while north i make a point not to fix which means kicking. i also want to save a bit for a new camera. and even if our habits cost us $30 a day it still fucking adds up and could be better spent elsewhere.

Ive found that i can kick relatively smoothly in three days. i dont take the subs for any amount of time longer than necessary as i have so many friends just as strung-out on suboxone as they were on heroin or opiates. methadone is fucking horrible as it leaves you just as much a zombie as when yr strung-out, without the worthwhile rush of the needle. back in 2005 i sucked down methadone for six months and ultimately decided to kick it with heroin. i felt better on smack than on the pink magic liquid that the zombies (most of whom seem to require canes) migrate to the clinic take. at least its natural. i just figure if yr not going to be on smack than why be on anything?

my suboxone kick normally goes something like this:
depending on when i last fixed Ill either take it first thing in the morning or last thing before bed. i tend to wait 12 hours or longer. i take half of an 8mg subxone pill. i dont let it dissolve, i swallow it. its much more comfortable if my stomach isnt empty, if it has at least a little something in it. if i take it in the am Ill fix later in the day. this morning i took it around 8am and fixed around 1pm. the trick is to wake up and take half or a quarter on day two and not fix later. most of the time i make it through day two clean. when i do this its been my experience that i feel absolutely NO withdrawl symptoms. i can be kicked in three days, sleep fine eat fine no cravings and as long as i have shit to do i dont have to worry about my number one trigger which is boredom. i only get symptoms, really really mild (think of being dope sick 24 hours in, super manageable) symptoms, when i take the sub and dont fix at all on day one. the symptoms leave with my next dose of sub. on day two i take another half sub (4mg), again swallowing it. if Im feeling antsy about fixing later i try to let it dissolve so Im less tempted. then Ill take a quarter or another half before bed (2-4mg depending on how long Ive been strung-out and what my mental state is if Im motivated to do it or if Im just doing it because its time to). day three Ill take a quarter when i wake up, sometimes I wait until later in the day. at this point it doesnt even really matter if i take any, with the exception that I tend to have no fucking energy if i dont take any. thats pretty much it. Ive successfully done this a shitload of times over the last five years, basically using suboxone to regulate my habit. Im lucky because I dont have the obsession to use that i used to when i first started out shooting smack. now its just smack. not a god a goddess nothing special just a fucking drug that makes being alive ok for 12 hour increments of time. its a coping mechanism, nothing more nothing less. something to do when i dont know what to do with myself.

but i want to save up and get a new camera. so its time for a break.